The term might be thrown around a lot these days in pregnancy websites and parenting magazines, but what exactly is mom guilt? And how do we overcome it? Read on to find out how to overcome mom guilt.
What is mom guilt?
Before we get to answer, “How to overcome mom guilt?”, let’s first get a handle on what it is.
Mom guilt is the guilt that mothers experience when they feel like they are falling short of expectations. These expectations may be brought about by society or internally. Our society today has painted and depicted a picture of what a perfect mother should be like. Along with this image comes preconceived notions of what mothers should and should not do, how they should act, what is expected of them, and how they should be taking care of their child. When mothers feel like they fall short of these expectations, they experience mom guilt.
Mom guilt comes in various shapes and forms. For example, a mother may feel guilt that they are not doing enough for their child. The assumption that they are not providing enough time, money, or resources to their child can contribute to feelings of guilt.
For others, it’s a struggle for identity. A woman is many things besides being a mother. Raising a child is a 24-hour job.
The expectation to juggle everything else along with motherhood can be a bit too much. Sometimes, the desire to fulfill their other roles – a career woman, a friend, a family member, a wife for example – might also lead to mom guilt.
Another source of guilt might come from the fear that they are incorrectly raising their child. Mothers can reason that a child’s poor behavior and upbringing is a reflection of their inability and incapacity as mothers. All these and more can be examples of this so-called mom guilt.
While any mother can experience mom guilt, it is important to note that new mothers are more susceptible to these feelings. Postpartum depression might lead them to not only experience feelings such as sadness, and anger, but also guilt.
How to overcome mom guilt?
Here are some tips to overcome mom guilt.
Give yourself space to breath
You have to realize that you need to give yourself breathing space. Take care of your physical and mental needs first. If you can’t take care of yourself and let yourself breathe, it becomes difficult to be in a position to take care of someone else.
Ask for help
It takes a village to raise a child. The expectation to raise your child all by yourself is damning to yourself and your child. You need to recognize that you can ask for help from the people around you. If you have a partner, talk to him or her about sharing responsibilities. Other parents or your own parents are great to have as support. Not only do they have experience, but they are also more than willing to share the load of raising the child, especially in the case of grandparents.
Know when you’re fears and standards are irrational
You have to catch yourself when you’re demanding perfection. The idea that you need to be perfect will most likely cause you more problems than it will do good. Know your limitations and understand that it is completely human to have them.
Do not compare
Nowadays, social media has skewed our view of how we should live our lives. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. This is not healthy. Remember that we all have our own pace. This not only applies to you but also to your child. Note that social media is filtered and edited. These posts often do not reflect the real picture of motherhood.
Don’t forget to keep your other relationships
Often when we are taking care of a child, the other relationships in our life take the backseat. Friends we used to meet regularly are now relegated to one-month catch-ups (if we’re lucky).
Make it a point to still talk to friends when you can. This will help prevent the feeling of being alone and lonely.
Communicate
It’s important that we verbalize our feelings. When you experience feelings of guilt, it might be good to talk to people you are close to or people you trust. Bottling up feelings will not be good in the long run.
Seek professional help
Here’s our last tip on how to overcome mom guilt. Sometimes, our feelings of guilt might be a bit too much. When it’s like this, professional help might be needed. There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help. If it’s really too much to bear and other methods aren’t working, maybe it’s time to look for someone who has the expertise to help you manage your situation.
As there are many reasons for parenting stress, there are also many ways on how to overcome mom guilt.
Learn more about Mother Care here.
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